Hi folks, today I want to talk about “set your own table” and what that means. I hope this weeks message motivates you. I also want to share something that I hope encourages and uplifts you too. This message is not about Kimbo, but it’s about vision.
For a long time Ive been interested in understanding pride and ego. It’s where our shields are born and sustained. The world is complicated and it’s important to protect ourselves. But sometimes we overprotect in an attempt to stay unharmed and it comes at the cost of avoiding good opportunities.
One of the reasons why we protect ourselves is to avoid judgement from others. Judgement is deeply scary and we’re naturally hyper attuned to see it. It’s said that 80% of communication is nonverbal, and If you read into nonverbal communication you’ll find a line of study by Paul Ekman about micro expressions. There are thousands of expressions we can make in conversation; some of the ones that we subconsciously notice that are related to judgement are contempt, anger and disgust. And even though we don’t know what we’re looking at because these expressions happen within a third of a second, our prefrontal cortex does- it’s the region of our brain just behind our forehead. And it sends a message to the rest of our body.
The end result is this: we respond to judgment by wanting to fight, flight or freeze.
So we learn the best response that makes us look right, or we don’t take action so that we don’t stand out, or we learn how to appear to be; people call this “fake it till you make it”. And it’s all with the same goal, “Don’t be seen as wrong”.
But today I want to tell you about “set your own table” and how putting yourself out there in life will set you up for more failure or judgement than any reasonable person would sign up for, but that it also sets you up for being on the front foot of building the outcomes of your life.
“Set your own table” just means “don’t wait for someone to tee up the opportunity you want to create in life”. Some people wait for their table to be set; if it ever is, it tends to not be what they were hoping for.
Every dream into the future can be broken into goals. Every goal is made of strategy and timing and consistency and the facing of judgment. What I’m saying is this: when you dream and act on your dreams you’ll stand out. And that goes against the message that most people try to stick to, “don’t be seen as wrong”. And they’ll let you know it too.
Set your own table. Break your dream into goals. Build a pillar of character that perseveres past judgment. Don’t see failure as an end, see it as an element of the process of refinement.
It’s scary to take the lead in life and fail; but it’s even scarier to reminisce the time when inaction lead to regret. You can heal from failure and judgment, It’s a lot harder to heal regret.
Folks, I want to share something uplifting to tie this all together. Who you are now is different from who you were 5 years ago. Life either happened to you or you happened to it. But today you’re at the same moment you were at 5 years ago against the opportunity for the person you become 5 years from now. Set your own table is a big task. But don’t wait for someone to bring the perfect cup, go find it. Don’t wait for someone to bring the right silverware, go seek it out. And one small piece at a time you build a setting, a vision that you’ve hoped for, no matter what the others think.
I want to say this: You’re worth it and you’ve got something great within you. You are a recipe of abilities and strengths and weaknesses. It’s okay to slow down, but when you do, set your table for the development of wisdom instead of the attainment of dreams. Everything in your life is a piece of an opportunity.
Thank you for reading my letter. Im really grateful for the chance to share some of my heart with you today. Have a great week ahead.
-M