Letter 25

Hi folks, today I want to share a story about a freediving blackout on a deep dive. I want to share some thoughts about what I got the chance to reflect on after the event. I hope this letter speaks to a part of you that you didn’t expect.

About 7 months ago I got into freediving. It’s where you learn how to dive deep into the ocean just holding your breath. Maybe you’ve heard of it before. It sounds kind of crazy but let me tell you more.

It isn’t an adrenaline sport, it’s just the opposite. It’s the pursuit of learning how to become calm in the face of fear or calm under pressure. The pressure of the ocean on your body at 100 feet is about 59.2 pounds per square inch (PSI). If a body is 3000 square inches then that’s a lot of pressure.

I’ve never really been into adrenaline sports. I used to wrestle in high school and became decent but I never truly liked it. Wrestling is about learning how to fight and win. It’s intense and I remember at the peak of my training being able to do 44 pull-ups in a row; I was a lean fighting machine.

Life is stressful, and a character of accountability within us brings that stress to an even higher level. Accountability is the ability to take ownership for bringing things back into alignment.

A good life comes with stress; It’s pressure that helps us to blossom and change. And it’s a good thing to learn how to move with and not against the stress that comes into our lives.

So there’s this moment in freediving warmups where you’re hanging onto the end of a rope at 70 feet. You’re suspended weightless over the moon and you get a slice of time in another world. It’s so beautiful and quiet. Your lungs are mostly collapsed but your state of peace is higher than you’d ever normally experience. Your body knows that there is no room for stress or fear because the moment you become afraid is the moment that your panic sets in. You're not allowed to panic under the ocean. I’ve had to practice to a 5 minute breath breath-hold to get the chance to hold my breath for 2 minutes down there. It’s one of the most incredible things I could explain because it’s the first time in your life where you’re not using will power to achieve under pressure, you’re using letting-go to achieve under pressure.

There’s plenty of reason to be afraid or nervous or anxious or panicked. There’s plenty of reason to be uncomfortable. But our ability to be become a better person than yesterday rides on our ability to recognize nervousness and anxiousness and fear and panic, but to respond in a posture of calm. Just think about who we were 10 years or 20 years ago. Our capacity for the hard parts of life is greater because of our rate of exposure to the hard parts. Fear is just a little stink bomb nuisance and not as real as we once thought.

So I was with some talented Freedivers and I went for a 114 foot dive. I did a 97 foot dive earlier that day and I wanted to reach 110 feet for the first time. It was a good breath-up and I think my nerves were high with the extra 18 feet.

I touched bottom and as I was coming back to the surface I started to fade out. My chest was contracting hard at the last 60 feet from air, and I remember thinking “man this really sucks”. I tried to focus and calm but my nervous system made my legs start to shut down. I started seeing orange and then black and then I went away.

I was standing in line at a bus station. It was really peaceful, it was a pretty spring day outside, and I’m assuming the bus was headed somewhere. Everybody was slowly getting onto the bus and I was waiting in line about 7 people back. They were shuffling slowly and taking their time. I was just waiting and, well, I know where it was going to drive to. I wonder who the other people were and where they were in the world. I wonder what event brought them to the station.

My hearing came back just before my vision. They brought me back and I was just a limp sack of potatoes. There were three people holding my body up out of the water and I had no idea what was going on or why I was in the middle of the ocean. I was out for 30 seconds but at the station for 10 minutes.

After we debriefed I went to a buoy and just cried a little. I almost missed the opportunity to become a husband and a father. I’m so lucky that I get to be alive. I’m lucky that I get to write this letter to you. Wherever you are in the world I hope my words mean something significant.

We are so lucky to have the family that we do have. We are lucky to have our friendships and our communities. We are lucky to have the chance to make a difference today.

I’ve been given the opportunity today to share that you’re worth it. Whatever stress you might be under, you’ll acclimate to it with exposure and you’ll simply become a petter person from it. No moment of pressure goes wasted; pressure turns into wisdom for others. But at the end of the day, we already have so much to be grateful for. You can’t take a Kimbo on a bus to heaven, you can’t even take a toothbrush. But you can take the state of peace you had with the people you positively affected while you were around. You can take a heart of gratitude or forgiveness or a heart of patience and kindness and gentleness and self control.

We have so much to be grateful for today.

Thanks for reading my letter. I hope you and your family are in good health and that you’re feeling empowered forward. I hope you feel readiness and and a vision for what lies ahead.

-M